The furore surrounding the publication of Amy Chua’s book Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother has shown the passion aroused by the question of what expectations we should have of our children, and the extreme heat generated by debates about how we should achieve those expectations. Are our aspirations for children too low nowadays? Do kids need to be pushed, and if so, by whom?

Amy Chua argues parents, particularly in the West, are too liberal and too afraid of exercising their authority. By contrast, she writes, ‘The Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.’ This seems reasonable and sensible enough, and yet Chua has been viciously attacked, particularly in the American press, for her particularly intensive form of parenting. Chua does attack many ideas Western parents take for granted, and can seem unnecessarily judgemental. She believes some activities are worthwhile for children - learning to play a difficult musical instrument, for example - and that others have no value – so no taking part in the school play. She believes children do not know what is best for them, and adults have a responsibility to make them do what they believe is best for them: ‘To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own will never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences’.

It seems Chua has touched a raw nerve in a society in which self-esteem is prized above all else, and we are continually being told the important thing is to make our children feel accepted, respected and valued. There often seems to be an assumption that kids are so vulnerable any criticism or attempt to challenge them will damage them for ever. So should we toughen up and push our children to achieve? Or, against Chua, should we affirm the idea that giving children a bit of freedom to pursue their own interests is no bad thing? Perhaps the problem is the very fact that parenting is such a controversial issue in the first place. Some believe parents, whatever their parenting philosophy, are too intensely involved in their children’s lives today. Both Chua and her critics seem to agree that parenting is the single, key determinant of a child’s future success and happiness. But as long as children are loved and cared for, perhaps parenting styles are less important than we think?